Day one, and already I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is as much like a nature programme as the title "Ceryswatch with Blodi" promises.
From Pete Burns lookalike Janice Dickinson (I wouldn't want to suggest she's a freak of nature, but... well, the Septics are a litigious lot so I'll bite my tongue) to the mating rituals already evident between Cerys Matthews and Marc Bannerman - and may I be the first to squeal YAY! in a girlie voice and clap my hands excitedly, as if I weren't a 6ft man with hairy arms and a beard - I'm A Celebrity... is set to be the most exciting nature show since Bill Oddie started spying on beavers.
The show opens with the contestants meeting each other in their hotel and being told they're being split into two teams. Malcolm McLaren very wisely, on discovering that he would be on Janice Dickinson's team, decided to go home. Lynne Franks revealed herself immediately as the most brilliant person on the show so far (other than Cerys, natch); refusing to take any crap whatsoever from the Burnsalike has secured her place in my heart forever.
Best moment of the seris so far: the following conversation between Cerys Matthews and Marc Bannerman, on meeting for the first time at the hotel:
Marc: "You go fishing, do you?"
Cerys: "I do, yes."
Marc: "Do you eat what you catch?"
Cerys: "I do, yes."
Marc: "Do you gut them and take off the heads?"
Cerys, saucily: "I do, yes, but I eat the heads..."
Woooo! Marc and Cerys sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...
Anyhoo. So they are all flown into their respective camps and either have to row an oarless boat or be pushed out of a helicopter, a thousand feet in the air. And Cerys' team, Croc Creek, draws the short (imaginary) straw so down they plummet.
An assortment of groans, squeals, squeaks and screams accompanies Cerys' descent, like the mating calls of an exotic bird.
And apparently they do the trick, because seconds after landing Cerys is receiving a nice big squishy hug from Marc, telling him: "That was the worst thing I've ever done in my life!"
Meanwhile, in Camp Snake Rock, Burnsalike and Lynne Franks are having a massive argument about... well, everything, really.
"You can do whatever you want, you shrew!" spits Burnsalike at Lynne. Well, at Lynne's back, because she's rolled over in her hammock and is telling Burnsalike that she's too much hard work to bother talking to.
Genius!
Truly beautiful moment alert: after all her braying, Burnsalike will be eating nothing but humble pie tonight after losing the first trial to Marc, who despite smelling of fish heads suddenly finds himself literally enveloped by Cerys. Well, she did say she eats fish heads... I'm saying nu'ink...
Well that's the end of Day 1 of Ceryswatch with Blodi. Tune in at the same time tomorrow night for another fascinating insight into the wildlife of the Australian jungle.
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