Now-then now-then now-then. I introduce myself to you as Loopy LooLoo, the Second Coming of Jimmy Saville, in a quest to aid and enlighten the ignorant with usage of my bookshelf, the internet and free-phone care lines. In other words, find answers to obscure questions that you were too afraid/embarrassed/lazy to gather for yourself. Well fear not, you slackers - Loo’ll Fix It for YOU! All you have to do is e-mail me with a question (looloo@welshbandsweekly.com) and I will strive to find you the answer, print it on the site, and choose the best, most interestingly ludicrous answers to print in the next episode! However there are no prizes for the best questions – only a way out of ignorance for the blessed few who have silly questions nagging on their brains!
This issue’s questions have been asked by other members of the WBW writers’ team - for some reason they all asked animal anatomy-related questions. On the brain, eh folks?!
Karen, owner of the SFA list and recently appointed writer for WBW, asks:
‘Super feathery birds. How do they do ‘it’?’
Well Karen. To cut a long story incredibly short: most male birds don’t have penises. Female birds don’t have vaginas. Most have cloaca, openings, and the sperm is moved to the entrance of the male cloaca at the time of mating. The two birds then press the cloaca together in a ‘cloacal kiss’. The sperm is transferred et voilá. The sperm can be kept in the cloacal canal for several hundred days, too - how very unsanitary. Imagine... no, I can’t even bring myself to write it. It’s far too disgusting...
Dearest Debs had this question:
‘How come your hair and beard can grow down to your feet, but chest hairs, armpit hairs and pubes, eyebrows and eyelashes, etc, stop growing after a certain length? What's that all about then?’
Hair on your head and beards don’t keep growing indefinitely. The growth cycle ranges from 2-6 years, then lies dormant without growth for 3 months, and then new follicle growth starts at the base of the dead hair and the single hair lengthens. Hair on your head and beards is stronger, so the new hair can attach itself to the dead hair. The hair on your body on the other hand has a life cycle of only a few weeks. But rather convenient, if you think about it. Imagine what it would be like the other way around… we’d all have fluffy heads and really hairy bodies, the hair on which we’d need to plait and tie up somehow… argh! Phil Mitchell-o-rama!
Lewis asked me:
‘Is it just carp that don’t age, or do no fish age ever?’
Actually most fish do age - just count the ridges on the scales using this bit of rather scary-looking hi-tech equipment – they nick a scale off the poor ikkle fish, take an impression of it and stick that impression under what looks like a big microfiche.
So yes lovelies, that’s all I can possibly answer for this issue, but check the Welsh Bands Weekly site for updates on the online Loo’ll Fix It, and send me lots and lots of questions! Remember: keep it bizarre! So this is LooLoo, saying ‘jingly-jangly’ and waggling her cigar to convey farewell for this issue… |
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